The POTC Discussions
by Avalea
Summary: A few discussions about POTC, it's characters and such. Mix in two psycho writers and rabid fans, and who knows what can happen?? Final Chapter Up!
1. Rabid fangirls and Slashy goodness!

            The POTC Discussions 

**A/N – This is just my own few of a lot of the things going on in the 'POTC' fan fiction world. Just to clear things up, I love this movie, but I just felt like expressing a few things. If you have any questions or comments, leave them in a review.  My friend, Sarafina and I wrote this, so bear with us because we are on a sugar high! ^_~**

**~~*Topic 1 – Of Jack and Original Characters**

**Sara: **I can't help but notice how many off characters there are in this section.

**Ava: **I know…seems like every other story is about some girl being washed ashore, or a female pirate, or some other chick…

**Sara: **Then Jack becomes attached or in love or some other things…

**Ava: **I mean, we're not saying they're bad, but these kinds of things happen in EVERY SINGLE SECTION on ff.net, get original people. 

**Sara: **Now, see, what would really be cool is if one of those women is a vampire or something then she sucks all of the crew's blood…MWAHAHAHAHA, then Jack will DIE!!!!

***Hundreds of Johnny Depp fan-girls shriek***

**Sara: ***sigh* OR she could turn him into a vampire too and they can live happily ever after sailing the seven seas and looking for treasure…

***Johnny Depp fans cheer***

**Sara: **And ANOTHER thing that would be cool would be if –

**Ava: **Sara, just shut up while you're still alive. Say one more bad thing about Johnny Depp and some girls just might kill ya.

**Sara: **Oh come on, they're not THAT obsessed.

***Johnny Depp fan-girls throw Sara dirty looks***

**Sara: **Why does everybody always get mad at me? 

**Ava: **Because you say stupid things.

**Sara: **Do not…

**Ava: **Sure ya don't. 

**~~*Topic Two – Will Turner**

**Ava: **I love all of these slashy fics; Lord knows I've written a dozen…

**Sara: **But Will always turns out to be a wussy

***Girls bare there teeth in anger, Will cries in a corner***

**Ava: **Actually that's not what I was going to say, I was going to say keep up the good work, but hey, it's your funeral, keep dissing the characters you psycho.

**Sara: **Seriously though…Will always turns out to a love-struck, weak – 

***Girls jump out of their seats***

**Sara – **Slightly pathetic

***A group of girls slowly surround the stage***

**Ava – **Uhh…Sara…

**Sara – **Not now Ava. Anyway, he's always feminine and –

*The aforementioned group of girls push up their sleeves and glare at Sara dangerously. Avalea slowly gets out of her seat then runs away.*

**Sara – **And he always plays the submissive guy. Jack always takes over, why can't Will play the dominant guy in a few stories, I mean come on Ava! …Ava…Ava??

***Sara notices the group of angry wolves…err…girls***

**Sara: **Umm…how are you guys?

*Scene fades as the rabid fan-girls make Indian-like shrieks and attack Sarafina*

**A/N – Okay, end this little chat. Sorry it was so short, the next shall be longer if we find better topics. Questions or comments in a review. See ya next time.**

**Thanx,**

**Avalea Kajin and Sarafina Snape**


	2. The dying undead, severed clown heads, a...

The POTC Discussions 

**A/N – Wow, thanks to all for the lovely reviews! Here is yet another chapter of our odd discussions.**

**~~*Topic 1 – The Curse of the Black Pearl**

**Ava: **Something has been bothering me…a lot.

**Sara: **Well, a lot of things bother you, you're paranoid.

**Ava:** I am not paranoid!!

**Sara: **Yes you are, and you're afraid of clowns and toes.

**Ava: ** Can we please just discuss the topic thing?!?

**Sara: **Yes, as long as no more fan girls attack me!!

***Sara scowls at audience. She has a black eye and is wearing a neck brace***

**Ava: **Anyway…I don't get how Barbosa says that he can't feel stuff and all that, like he can't feel a woman's flesh-

**Sara: **But, he can feel the warmth of her dress?

**Ava: **I was just getting to that!

**Sara: **I know

**Ava: **How did you know, exactly?

**Sara: **Because I am psychic, it's true

**Ava: **Back to the topic…Does that mean the pirates can feel pain? When Barbosa shoots the guy – 

**Sara: **He doesn't really show any signs of pain but -

**Ava: **Stop it you glamour hog!! Anyway, when Jack strikes Barbosa he kinda cries out. 

**Sara:** I think we should leave this to the smart people. 

**Ava: **I agree

***Sarafina looks astonished***

**Sara: **You actually agree…with me?

**Ava: **Yeah…

*Sara continues to look astonished, crickets chirp in the room (though I don't know why there are crickets INSIDE, but…uh…use your imagination!!)*

**~~*Topic 2 – Savvy?**

Sara: Before we begin this little chat, I am not going to diss Jack – 

**Ava: **Again…

**Sara: **And I love him and all that –

**Ava: **She's trying to butter everybody up…

**Sara: **But, honestly, I get so sick of hearing that stupid word! I'M GONNA GO CRAZY IF I HEAR IT ONCE MORE.

***Audience yells, "Savvy!"  - Sara glares, eye twitching***

**Sara: **You told them to that, didn't you?

**Ava: **No, I hate how people are repetitive with it too, don't worry, savvy?

**Sara: **Shut up.

**Ava: **I understand you're anger, so don't get mad at me, savvy?

***Sara Jumps out of her seat and starts to strangle Ava***

**~~**~~Please Hold~~**~~**

**~~*Topic 3 – Bootstrap Bill and the Aztec Gold**

**Sara: **We are back, well…I am at least, Ava is a little busy at the moment.

***Cut to scene of Avalea tied up and being tortured by a CLOWN!! AHHHHH!***

**Sara: **Anyway…This is a topic I really wanted to talk about, because I really don't know the answer. One of our reviewers, Ohkami, said that Bootstrap Bill sunk into the sea, but it was after he stole the Aztec Gold, so, wouldn't he still be alive? I really didn't pay attention, I was too busy looking at Will, but maybe someone else can answer this…HELLO??

***Sara notices the audience is looking out the window***

**Sara: **Are you guys gonna pay attention? AHHH!!!

*Sara sees that Ava is pushed up against the window, smiling evilly and holding the head of the evil CLOWN*

**Ava: **YOU WON'T KEEP ME DOWN!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! AHHH!!

***While throwing her head back and laughing in triumph, Ava falls***

**Sara: **Uhh, that's all. I have to go save her, bye bye!

A/N – We're hoping to have a better chapter next time, but come on people, it's hard to get decent topics. Here is our responses to some of the reviewers, enjoy!

**Pen Is Ink – **Yes, we try to stick to the truth, even though most people hate us for it!

**Ohkami – **Sorry we couldn't answer you're question. We are stupid, lol.

**Phate – **Thanks for being so amused! We try so hard and go so unappreciated, but one day, we will earn you people's respect HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough cough* sorry…

**IceMaiden –** We LOVE your review, it is so funny. We're glad we didn't get killed for saying that about almost every other story. Keep up your sense of humor, it's great!


	3. Pirate Slang, MarySues, Peg legs, and pr...

The POTC Discussions 

**~~*Topic 1 – Assorted Random Pointless Stuff #1**

**Sara: **This is our second upload in one day! ONE DAY! YOU ALL SHOULD BE PROUD OF US!!!

**Ava:** Uh…calm down Sara…

**Sara:** PROUD!!!

**Ava:** Sara…

*Sara starts foaming at the mouth, so some men in white suits carry her away…*

**Ava: **Anyway, we weren't planning on posting anything for a little while, but one of our reviewers (Princess Bertha) gave us some interesting topics.

**Sara: **Yeah she did…

***Avalea blinks, there is silence. Sara sits quietly, humming to herself***

**Ava: **How the heck did you get back?

**Sara: **I have no clue what you're talking about.

**Ava: **But, we all saw those men take you – 

**Sara: **SHUT UP! I mean, what?

**Ava:** …Anyways, as I was saying, here is the first of the topic thingys. 

**Sara: **No pirate fic is complete without a prostitute. Hmmm, that is true. What is with you people and your sick, perverted minds?!?! 

***Audience growls (How, I don't know, they just did…grrrr)***

**Ava: **Sara, when will you learn to shut up? Jack did seem to like the ladies, can't help that…

**Sara: **Yeah, but then he turns around and does Will in most of the stories, does that make sense to you?

**Ava: **Maybe he…uhh…stop confusing me!!!

**Sara: **Hey, I can't help it if you're stupid. Hey! Are you listening to me?!

**Ava: **Huh…did you say something?

**Sara: **Never mind *sigh*

~~*Topic 2 – MORE random useless stuff…JOY!!

**Ava: **I love this next one. Another topic Princess Bertha gave us was this: No fan fiction is complete without obnoxious pirate slang! I could go on and on with this.

**Sara: **Ye sure could, mate! Arghh!!! 

***Everyone stares at Sara, her attempt at slang gone horribly wrong***

**Ava: **I think some people just go over the top. I hate it when some authors write 'about' as 'aboot' …that just doesn't sound right; it's certainly not pirate slang.

**Sara: **Ye sure is picky aboot yer fictions, ther, Miss Avalea. Arghh!!

**Ava: **Ok, you have demonstrated it, you can stop now.

**Sara: ** ARGHH!! Don't speak to CAPTAIN Sara like that, lass, it ain't proper, savvy?

**Ava: **SERIOUSLY, shut up, you're quite annoying.

***Sara continues to snarl and growl and ARGHH.***

**Sara: **What can a wee lass like yerself do aboot it??

**Ava: **SECURITY!!!

***Audience watch as the men in white come and carry off Sara…again***

**~~*Topic 3 – Mary-Sues and Peg legs**

**Ava: **Here is the last of Princess Bertha sent to us. Why do no Mary-Sues have hook hands or peg legs? 

**Random Mary Sue: **Because it would damage our beautiful face!

**Ava: **What?!? That doesn't even make sense, you idiot!

**Random Mary Sue: ** Yes it does, mock me not!

**Ava: **Who let you in here anyway? Don't make me call Jabooty! 

**Random Mary Sue: ** Who??

*Ava blows the whistle around her neck and her pet bunny, Jabooty, comes on the stage.*

**Random Mary Sue: **You expect me to be afraid of a bunny rabbit?

**Ava: **Yep.

**Random Mary Sue: **And why is that?

**Ava: **Get her, Jabooty!!

*The bunny rabbit suddenly grows sharp fangs and attacks the Mary Sue, cutting her head off.*

**Ava: **HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA…. uhh, see ya next time, hopefully Sara will be back from the, uh, hospital by then.

*Sara is seen in a white straight jacket. She runs into a padded wall, stares at the wall for about 5 minutes, laughs, and then does it again. "WORSHIP ME, FOLLOWERS OF THE KABOB!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!*

**A/N – Big thanks to Princess Bertha, here's a cookie!! Questions or comments, put in a review. Thanks for watching – er – reading. **

**Love,**

**Sarafina Snape and Avalea Kajin**


	4. Barbosa naked, mosquitos, padded walls, ...

The POTC Discussions 

**A/N – Wow, people, thanks for all the amazing reviews! Anyway, on with the show! (I mean, uh, fic)**

**~~*Topic 1 – Barbosa/Will**

**Sara: **Now THIS is just wrong…

**Ava: **Well, it's not THAT wrong, but…it is a little gross…

**Sara: **Yeah, but you don't care, you'll read anything with guy on guy…

**Ava: **What's that supposed to mean?!

**Sara: **Nothing, I love slash too!

**Ava: **Yep, it's great, but Will/Barbosa?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Sorry if I am completely disgusted.

**Sara: **Can you even picture Barbosa…naked??

***Everyone stays quiet for a moment, then everyone gags***

**Ava:** Our point exactly!

**~~*Topic 2 – Barbosa/Jack**

**Sara: **Oh come on Ava, do we have to even think about this? 

**Ava: **Yes, live with it.

**Sara: **…But it's gross

**Ava: **LIVE WITH IT!! 

*There is silence. Audience chirps (why? Because there are no crickets inside anymore)*

**Sara: **You are a psycho.

**Ava: **Excuse me? Who just got back from the insane factory? (That is my term for mental institution.)

**Sara: **I went to my Aunt's house!

**Ava: **Your Aunt has padded walls?

**Sara: **Hey, you know my Aunt…

*Aunt Marge is seen sitting in her kitchen. She slaps herself on the face and yells "Mosquito!"…5 minutes later…she does it again, and again, and again*

**Ava: **Oh, I understand now.

**~~*Topic 3 – Pretty People with Problems**

**Sara: **I dunno about you, Ava, but I love flames.

**Ava: **I love them too, people are so stupid.

**Sara: **Yes, yes they are. EXAMPLE!!

*Sara snaps her fingers and a guy who looks like Jack brings her some mail.*

**Guy-who-looks-suspiciously-like-Jack: **Here's your mail.

**Ava: **Hey, did you know you look suspiciously like Jack.

**Sara: **Hey…I THINK IT IS JACK!!!

*Girls in the audience scream and chase after Jack as he runs away, crying.*

**Sara: **Hey…our audience is gone…

**Ava: **Oh well, here is a humorous bit of hate mail we got. The name will be held back, to help hide the person's extreme stupidity:

Dear sava,

I don't like u. u are stooped. Your funny story is not humorus. I do not agree wit u dat jack is a wussy. She is hot. I am bette than u, sava. I am taller than u. if I met u I wood ask for ur artograf then I would say u are stooped.

Sincerely,

*****

**Sara: **Right…who the heck is Sava? 

**Ava: **#1, 'our funny story is not humorous' …DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL??

**Sara: **It's letters like this that make me lose faith in the human race…*sigh* 

**Ava: **We never said Jack was a wussy, we said Will was.

**Sara: **She is hot?? Who the hell are you talking about, you egotistical idiot?

**Ava: **You are probably taller than me, I'm only 4'11, but Sara is 5'9, so just shut up. 

**Sara: **Heh heh, shorty…

**Ava: **Okay, first you would want our autograph, then you would say I am stupid. Get yourself a highly qualified psychologist.

A/N – Thanks for reading. Here are some comments to our reviewers:

**Blondetennischick900 – **Glad you enjoy it; hope to hear more from you.

**Onua Wingstar – **I know, I pity her, people have been sending hate mail by the second…

**XxSablexX – **I hope you can get a good plot; we love to read and beta-read pretty much anything.

**Try wearing a corset – **Thanks for the review, but we both love slashy fics, but that's just us, because, well…we're weird.

**Icy Flame – **Yep, don't worry, you're not the only one noticing these things. We're just trying to say what other people won't or don't have the guts too. (That's probably why people personally e-mail us and say we are mean and evil, but hey, what can we say?)


	5. Hot People, Gibbs naked, Jack on an isla...

The POTC Discussions

**A/N – Wow, thank you for all of the amazing reviews!! They're greatly appreciated!**

**~~*Topic One – The People **

**Sara: **This one goes out to Eternal_Darkness who wanted us to talk about how everybody looked in the movie. I can say one thing, Jack was hott.

**Ava: **Yeah, but don't you find it strange that Elizabeth didn't…uh…

**Sara: **Have *fun* with Jack on the island?

**Ava: **Yes…hmmm, I bet if we took a poll, almost everyone would say that they would have had…*fun* with Jack.

**Sara: **I would…

**Ava: **We know.

**Sara: **First, I would take my teeth and –

**Ava: **OKAY, we don't need to know.

**Sara: ***sigh* fine…

***There are a few moments of silence…no chirping, the crickets went on strike***

**Sara: **Then I would –

**Ava: **SARA!! We don't need to know what goes on in your sick, perverted mind, ok?!

**Sara: **FINE, I'm not ever gonna help you write a slash story again…NEVER…NEVER EVER!

**Ava: **Okay, fine with me.

**Sara: **Ever…never ever…

**Ava: **Ok, I get it; you'll never help me again, oh well.

**Sara: **NO! You're supposed to say, "Oh, I'm sorry, please don't not help me." 

**Ava: **And _why_ would I do that?

**Sara: **…you really hurt my feelings, you know.

**Ava: **Oh, waaaa, stop being such a baby.

**Sara: **Ok, but just remember…I know where you live.

***Sara attempts to laugh evilly, but chokes in the process***

**Ava: **Of course you know where I live…YOU LIVE RIGHT NEXT DOOR IDIOT!!

***Instead of protesting, Sara continues to choke, turning slightly blue***

**Ava: **Oh brother, stop faking it.

***Sara falls to the ground and grabs Avalea's ankles.***

**Ava: **Ok, seriously, you're not being very funny.

***Sara turns completely blue and faints. The Audience, meanwhile, stare… without calling for help…heartless people.***

**Ava: **Uhh…help?

**~~*Topic 2 – Random Useless Junk That Will Rot Your Brain**

**Sara:** Wow, that topic seems a little harsh…

**Ava:** I know, but hey, people gotta know what they're reading.

**Sara:** Yeah, but, come on, maybe that makes people not read.

**Ava:** Oh, and what would you call it.

****

***Sara ponders for almost 10 minutes***

**Sara:** I would say something like, "Hey, we're holding Jack and Will hostage and if you want to see them naked, come and see!!!"

***Instantly, the empty seats of the audience fill up with drooling girls***

**Ava:** Ok…well, that works too. But let's just get on with the discussion.

**Sara:** Yeah this one is from XxSablexX and it's about the monkey. 

**Ava:** Munky??? WHERE!!!

**Sara:** No, I mean the monkey from POTC not the Munky from Korn.

***Avalea mumbles under her breath***

**Sara:** Hmmm, maybe you're right, Sable, maybe Barbosa does have a crush on Jack…hmmm…

***Goes back to scene of Barbosa naked. People scream and some faint.***

**Ava:** I wonder if Jack knows about that…

***Somewhere far, far away, on an island, we see Jack scream at the top of his lungs…stop, take a sip of rum, then start again***

**Sara:** And another thing, Sable, we would prefer not to picture Gibbs naked…hmm, maybe him and Barbosa can get together…

***Random people in the audience puke while some go pale.***

**Ava:** Uh, maybe not.

**~~*Topic 3 – Updates, Detentions, and Names**

**Ava:** We just wanted to take a second to say that we were gonna update this A LOT sooner but SOMEBODY…

***Ava glares evilly at Sara, who turns and hums to herself.***

**Ava:** …put already chewed gum into one of our teacher's coffee cups. Then that certain somebody got caught and told him it was my idea, so we both got an hour's detention.

**Sara:** Hey, but it was pretty funny though…

***Ava clenches her teeth together and Sara laughs nervously***

**Ava:** No, it was not fun. You only had to clean the boards but I had to put the little holes in over 100 pieces of paper!!

**Sara:** Sorry…but let's just get to the names part…you know, before you kill me…

**Ava:** Fine…*sigh*…some people e-mailed us and asked us if Sarafina and Avalea were our real names, and when we said yes, they said we were lying, so let's just clear it up.

**Sara:** Yeah, I mean, my name is normal but yours isn't, so I can understand them.

**Ava:** What?! My name is normal.

**Sara:** Are you crazy? Avalea is not a normal name. It's funny when teachers make fun of you.

***Sara starts laughing while Ava looks sad. People in audience still don't care because they are still heartless and waiting for Will or Jack smut, which they aren't gonna get so TOO BAD***

**Ava:** Yeah, well your last name is Snape and that is stupid too!

**Sara:** How dare you insult me!!!

***Sara jumps out of her seat and starts attacking Ava. Someone in the audience yells, "MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!"***

**A/N** – Another chapter down, we would have written more, but we had to finish our damn homework that we could have done earlier if we weren't in detention…SARA!!! We're gonna start reading all your stories and review them, so look out for some reviews by us! We'll update as soon as we can, but an author asked us to beta read a story for her, so it might be a day or two. Here are some responses to the reviewers:

**GypsyGirl:** Thanks for the ideas; we're definitely going to use them in the future.

**Patch:** Hmm, I've never seen that movie, what was the rabbit's name?

**Mithralas:** Well, I'm glad someone sympathizes with Sara. But see, some people (like us) need to keep other extremely insane people in line.

**Eternal_Darkness:** Thanks for the idea. I hope we all agree that Will and Jack were incredibly good looking.

**Sihaya:** Trust me, we're getting to that, because neither of us liked her very much.

**Lisa Carew:** Thank you for your kind words and we'll take your suggestions into consideration.

**JMC:** Wow, you gave some really good theories. Will and Norrington, now THAT is just gross.

**XxSablexX:** Thanks for your topic ideas!! 

**Seawench:** Hmmm, I think we'll use some of the things you said in your review for some topics, if you don't mind…pweez!!


	6. Elizabeth bashing, Will with no shirt, a...

The POTC Discussions

**~~*Topic 1 – Elizabeth**

**Sara: **Well, I would just like to say one thing.

**Ava: **And what would that be?

**Sara: **I know Elizabeth was a strong, kick ass chick and all…

**Ava: **But you hate her.

**Sara: **Yeah, I mean…I would rather see Will and Jack instead of Will and Elizabeth.

***Random Audience Member sighs***

**Sara: **Hey!! NO SIGHING ALLOWED!!!

**Ava: **Hey, it's a guy that looks suspiciously like Will!!!

**Sara: **Oh…hello really hot guy who looks suspiciously like Will.

**Will: **Ok, it's seriously me, so you can stop saying guy-who looks suspiciously like Will…hello?? Is anyone listening to me???

***All the girls are staring and drooling***

**Ava: **Sorry, they're all a little obsessed.

**Will: **Oh, I, uh, see.

***Will tries to back away from Sara…her drool is getting all over his shirt.***

**Sara: **Oh…I am _so _sorry Will; looks like you need to take your shirt off now!

***Everyone in the audience stands up and one girl howls***

**Ava: **Sara! Leave him alone will ya?

**Sara: **Fine…

**Ava: **Anyway…you must have come here for a reason, so what do you want?

**Will: **I would just like to say that nothing will ever happen between me and Jack, ok?!?

*On the island far, far away we see Jack yelling, "CAPTAIN JACK, DAMNIT!"*

**Will: **Uh, right, Captain Jack…sorry…

**Sara: **That's ok, but you're awfully dirty…

**Will: **Huh, I am not; I just took a bath…HEY!!

***Sara throws dirt on Will's shirt (hey that rhymed….sorry)***

**Ava: **SARA!!!

**Sara: **Oops, sorry, looks like you have to take your shirt off now!!!

**Will: **NO!

***Audience members start to pant and scream….like…dogs…or something…***

**Will: **NO!!

***Will runs off…crying, aww, poor baby..***

**Ava: **Now look what you did!

**Sara: **Oh well, win some lose some…

**Ava: **Uhh, Sara…I think you're in trouble.

**Sara: **Huh? Why?

***Group of Girls brandish an assortment of hair dryers and brushes and other things us girls keep with us.***

**Sara: **Oh brother, what are you gonna do, blow-dry me to death? 

*Random girl runs up and throws hair dryer at Sarafina, knocking her unconscious.*

**Ava: **Oh..well, that takes of that.

~~*Topic 2 – Bye-Bye for Now…

**Ava: **Since school has started and all the other crap we do…

**Sara: **You know, jobs and junk.

**Ava: **We're trying as hard as we can to fit this story into our schedule, since it came first.

**Sara: **But that's really hard, plus my sister is moving to the States next week and I have to help her, she's going to some place in Florida.

**Ava: **Anyway, we've decided that we're only going to update this if people really want us to.

**Sara: **Yeah so review or e-mail Avalea or something.

**Ava: **So…*dramatic voice* until we write again!!!

**Ava and Sara: **Bye-Bye!!!

A/N – Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. Between ff.net and three other archive sites, we've gotten over 120 reviews. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. If you really want us to continue with this story thing (we had some really good ideas…) then review. But until then, Bye! 

**Thanx,**

**Avalea Kajin and Sarafina Snape. **


	7. MORE Elizabeth bashing, MORE hate mail, ...

The POTC Discussions

A/N – Wow, we got so many e-mails urging us to continue so…here it is! Thanks to all the reviewers!

**~~*Topic 1 – More Elizabeth Bashing…YAY!!!**

**Sara: **I know that I have already said that I hate Elizabeth…

**Ava: **Yes, we all know, you write it everywhere.

**Sara: **Yeah, but I mean, she stole my Will from me…

**Ava: **What?! He wasn't _your _Will in the first place!

**Sara: **YES HE WAS, OUR LOVE WILL FIND A WAY!!!

**Ava: **Yeah, and you wonder why people call you crazy…

**Sara: **Well, yeah, because I'm not.

***Audience snickers…kinda like the candy bar…or something***

**Ava: **Can you just get back to what you were going to say!

**Sara: **Fine! You wonder why people call you the boring one…

**Ava: **Excuse me?

**Sara: **…Nothing. Anyway, I don't get how, in the beginning of the movie Elizabeth is like this damsel in distress –

**Ava: **They call me boring??

**Sara: **But, in the end of the movie, all of a sudden, she's beating up pirates and she becomes this chick who can kick ass. Did anyone else notice that, or was it just me??

**Ava: **SHUT UP!!! What do you mean 'people call me the boring one'?

**Sara: **Well, that's just how it is, I'm the insane one and you're the girl that has to clean up all my messes.

**Ava: **Do I have to have this job?

**Sara: **Life sucks, doesn't it?

**~~*Topic 2 – Another Flame That We Make Fun Of**

**Ava: **When will people learn?

**Sara: **I dunno…we tell people that we publicly make fun of flames…

**Ava: **Yep, It's our favorite pastime. Anyway, here is quite a humorous bit that we got from Avery at **averymatherson@yahoo.com** and it goes thus:

Sarafina and Avalea (if those ARE you're real names):

          You both must be men in women's bodies to have enough balls to write something like this and you're other MarySue story! Marysu stroys are the best! WHO DOESN"T LOVE A MARYSUE????? Oh, and I doubt those are you're real names, they sound like stripper names! I hate you and I deman that u delete these storyes and start reading the bible!! YOU CAN STILL SAVE YOU"RE SOUL!! YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE GOOD CHRISTIANS SOULDN"T READ THIS SHIT!!! YOU WILL BURN!! I don't care if yu make fun of me, go ahead, BRING IT!!

**Sara: **Ok, let's start from the top…

**Ava: **Saying that we have a lot of balls to write what we do…hmm, thanks for the compliment!! It's so nice to be appreciated!

**Sara: **Mary-Sue stories are the best…sure, don't think too hard, you might hurt yourself.

**Ava: **Sarafina and Avalea are our real names, and if they sound like stripper names, then hey, that's fine by us. Just means that if we ever become strippers, we won't have to change our names…JOY!!!

**Sara: **Who made you the Goddess?? You can't demand that we take down stories. Ok, well I DEMAND that you learn proper grammar and better spelling. 

**Ava: **Start reading the Bible?…sorry, I already have. 

**Sara: **And besides, we're not Christians, we're Wiccans/Pagans, so your words aren't really anything to us, let alone an insult.

**Ava: **Ahh, the last line. BRING IT!! Ok, we have, you said we could make fun of you, so we did. Now you can deal with all the flames you are going to get from people who disagree with you and your harsh words. ENJOY!!!

A/N – Once again, thanks for all the reviews! WE LOVE ALL OF YOU!!! Here, yet again, are some responses to the reviewers:

**LeperMessiah: **Thanks for all of your reviews; they made us want to write again! 

**Nightgenie: **Well, we didn't stop, happy? We hope you are, lol!

**Mithralas: **Yeah, Sara and I did all that stuff too, haha. Well, we decided not to stop, so we hope you enjoy!!! YOU ENJOY IT RIGHT!! RIGHT?!?!?!?! *cough cough* uhh, sorry…

A/N – Oh, and for all the people that reviewed our other story, thanks a bunch. We just got so sick of those stupid stories that we had to make fun of them, because well, that's what we do, I guess. We'll try to update both stories soon, so keep checking back!


	8. Urination, Children, Jack in the Bathroo...

The POTC Discussions

**~~*Topic 1 – Urination**

**Ava: **Ok, yeah, we know that this is an odd title, but…what now Sara??

**Sara: **You're not gonna tell them, are you?

**Ava: **FINE! Everybody, today is Sara's 17th birthday…woo…

***Very few people in the audience clap, Sara starts to cry (aw, how sad)***

**Sara: **I didn't expect any of you to care anyway!

**Ava: **Hey, at least be content with the present I got you, it cost a fortune.

**Sara: **Oh, it did not. BUT I LOVE YOUR GIFT ANYWAY!!!

**Ava: **It did too cost a fortune for that damn corset. Just because my Grandmother owns a Vintage Clothing Shop doesn't mean she'll give me a discount. Have you worn it yet?

**Sara: **Yes, and it is very painful, but SO COOL!!!

**Ava: **Yes, well, can we please get back to the topic?

**Sara: **Oh yeah. Now, there's something that's been bothering me for the longest time. During the whole movie, nobody ever went to the bathroom…hmm, makes you ponder…

**Ava: **Not really, who wants to see Jack go to the bathroom anyway?

***Every single girl in the audience cheers and a few cat call***

**Ava: **I should have known…

**Sara: **Oh, come on, and you DON'T want to see him going to the lavatory?? HMMM, WE KNOW YOU DO!!!

**Ava: **Why would I want to see him urinate? That is truly disgusting! 

**Sara: **What about Will?

**Ava: **Well, he's a different matter…

**Sara: **I knew it…

**~~*Topic 2 – Children **

**Sara: **I wonder what Will and Elizabeth's children will be like…hmm

**Ava: **Now I, personally, would not like to think about them having children.

**Sara: **Why?

**Ava: **Because, I'm still for the whole Will/Jack thing.

**Sara: **You need to get over that, you know it's not gonna happen!

**Ava: **I CAN DREAM CAN'T I?!?!?!?!?

***Sara cowers in fear***

**Sara: **Uh..I..uh…

**Ava: **Sorry, lost the cool for a while but the cool is back

***Sara still doesn't speak…and that is very odd, especially for her…***

**Ava: **YOU CAN SPEAK SLAVE!!!

**Sara: **What??

**Ava: **Nothing…

**~~*Topic 3 – A Few Side Notes and More Craziness **

**Sara: **We submitted a story to a humour review station…

**Ava: **And if you don't know what that is, they read your story and give you a professional review.

**Sara: **Anyway, we weren't expecting to get a good review, but we did!

**Ava: **Is it _that_ surprising?

**Sara: **And we are so proud of it that we have decided to post it here, hopefully you will enjoy…

**Ava: **Yeah, because all we're trying to do is use up space so it makes this chapter seem longer.

**Sara: **There goes our secret!

**Ava: **What secret?

**Sara: **Anyway, here it goes; it talks about our personalities and the story we wrote:

"First, the goofy, easy to understand, playful humour comes from Sarafina Snape. Understandably, she makes up the perky half of this amazing duo. With her smooth talking and insane writing, she provides paragraphs upon paragraphs of pure energy and spunk.  

Next, we have Avalea Kajin. What can we say? Avalea is sarcastic, cocky, sharp with words and can shred any competition with her writing skills, and we love her for it. She knows when her group can win, and she's not afraid to tell it like it is. She may be arrogant and a hothead, but that just makes you like her more.

The story submitted was a humour fantasy dealing with pirates, a bunny called Jabooty, and paper clips taking over the world. What more could you want. I, Austin Zeller, give this story an A for fine writing, a B for overall silliness and I give the authors an A for their amazing talent."

**Sara: **I LOVE YOU MR. ZELLER!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

**Ava: **I don't, he called me cocky and arrogant.

**Sara: **Well, you are…

**Ava: **Excuse me??

A/N – Thanks for reading. We've gotten so many reviews! Here are (yet again) some responses to our reviewers:

**Phate: **NOOO!! NOT CLOWNS!!! AH!!!! Ok, ok, we'll write some more, just…not the clowns!!!

**Onua Wingstar: **Hmmm, thanks for bringing that book to our attention; we are definitely going to search high and low for it.

**LeperMessiah: **Tell your roommate we said 'Hello random person that we don't know but we are being kind and saying Hello anyway!'

**Calico: **Hmm, ok, we'll make that a topic, I mean, Will must have been pretty stupid then. Thanks for the idea!

Yet Another A/N – A TON of people have been e-mailing Sara and I and have been saying that Charity's 'Say What?' is copying us and they want to flame her, but to those people who did e-mail us, please do not flame her. We love her story, it is SO hilarious, so please PLEASE do not flame, ok! 


	9. Author's Note PLEASE READ, pretty pretty...

The POTC Discussions

**A/N – Sorry, but this isn't a chapter, but don't run away yet! Haha, anyway, there's a cool vintage movement going on, aiming towards corsets and stuff. If you'd like to look at people (Including Sara and Myself) wearing corsets, then go to my profile page and go to my homepage.  You can even send in a picture of yourself or friends. If you would like to learn more about a certain type of corset, or if you'd like to buy one or learn where to buy them cheap, or even if you want to make one yourself, go to the site and e-mail Leah and she'll answer all of your questions. Trust me, she'll know the answer because she's an expert on these things. Don't worry, no nudity is on the site, and DON'T LAUGH when you see our pictures, because Sara's is nice but mine sucks. So, enjoy!**

**Thanks,**

**Sarafina Snape and Avalea Kajin **


	10. Will's stupidity, Norrington and Will na...

The POTC Discussions

**~~*Topic 1 – Will and his stupidity**

**Sara: **Today, FINALLY, we will talk about Will and his extreme stupidity.

**Ava: **Yes, but I wouldn't dis the characters too much; remember what happened last time?

***Flashback to Sara in a neck brace***

**Sara: **Do you honestly think I could forget something like that?

**Ava: **Well, you ARE pretty stupid…

**Sara: **That cut me real deep Ava.

**Ava: **Life sucks, if you don't like it, go eat a grapefruit.

**Sara: **Huh? Where the heck did that come from?

**Ava: **I read it on a bumper sticker.

**Sara:** Oh..ok…

**Ava: **What?

**Sara: **So that's why you're such a bad driver, you spend the time looking at bumper stickers instead of looking at the road!

**Ava: **_I'm _a bad driver, at least I CAN drive.

**Sara: **BACK to the topic.

**Ava: **Anyway. Ok, here's the situation. IF Bootstrap Bill WAS immortal when he sunk to the bottom of the sea, he would still be alive under water.

**Sara: **And you'd think that Will, being the smart man he is, would have realized that his father was still alive.

**Ava: **But he didn't think that, which makes him seem really dumb.

**Sara: **But, of course, Bootstrap may not have been immortal and he may have died.

**Ava: **And if he did, then there is no need for this conversation…

**Sara: **I guess not…

**Ava: **So, sorry we just wasted a good bit of space with useless junk.

**~~*Topic 2 – Norrington**

**Ava: **Wow, we haven't made fun of him at all…

**Sara: **Yeah, that's not like us, we make fun of everybody…

**Ava: **I know, well, we shall start today!

**Sara: **Now I, personally, think he was gay

***Audience murmurs in agreement***

**Ava: **Whoa, people ACTUALLY agree with you.

**Sara: **Is that so strange?

**Ava: **Yes, because you're stupid

**Sara: **Well you're arrogant and a hothead

**Ava: **Damn you

**Sara: **Well, back to the topic, please

**Ava: **Ok, fine, if he was gay then why did he want Elizabeth so badly?

**Sara: **Easy, he didn't want people to know he was gay, I think he was after Will

**Ava: **Ok, enough! That's a picture I would rather not see in my head, ok?

**Sara: **Hmm, that wouldn't be too bad though…

**Ava: **You're kidding right?!?!?!

**Sara: **Of course I am! I mean, can you picture Will and Norrington…together…naked…ewwww

**Ava: **Thanks for that, thanks a lot for putting that in my head, really made my day

**~~*Topic 3 – Trying to take up space to make this chapter seem longer!**

**Sara: **Well, the title says all.

**Ava: **Yes, yes it does.

**Sara: **We're gonna put this fiction on hold until Thursday

**Ava: **Yeah, that's when we're going to see the movie again.

**Sara: **And it's a good thing too because we're running out of ideas.

**Ava: **Even Sara's crazy mind is going into overtime trying think of things to write about.

**Sara: **Plus some author interviewer chick wants to interview us. Maybe we'll put the interview up for a chapter…hmm…that would be interesting…

**Ava: **Anyway, we'll try and think of some really good topics, so until Thursday, Bye Bye.

**Sara: **See you then. 


	11. Statutory Rape, Fat Guys on Couches, Blo...

The POTC Discussions

**~~*Topic 1 – Older Men with Women Young Enough to Be their Daughter **

**Sara: **Well, we just saw the movie again yesterday…

**Ava: **And the day before that…

**Sara: **And we were going to go see it again today, but we are broke…

**Ava: **So we decided to update this story, wow!

**Sara: **Anyways, this first topic thingy is going to be about Norrington and his love for Elizabeth………..who I hate…just, you know…a reminder

**Ava: **Ok, yes, we know that you hate Elizabeth, let's just get back to the point.

**Sara: **Ok, ok. In the beginning of the movie, Norrington already looks like….really old.

**Ava: **And then, 10 or so years later, he's over here wanting Elizabeth.

**Sara: **That's just gross. I know the whole 'age is just a number' thing but that's like……his daughter!

**Ava: **I know, that's like marrying your mum or dad's best friend.

**Sara: **That's like me marrying dad's best friend Preston.

*Preston sits on his couch, scratches himself, burps loudly, then farts. Oh…the irony*

**Ava: **Well that was an image I was better off not knowing about.

**Sara: **I know….*sigh*  

**Ava: **Anything else you'd like to say about this topic?

***Sara is still horrified and cannot speak***

**Ava: **O…kay, next topic.

**~~*Topic 2 – Bloody Coins **

**Ava: **Ok, now that Sara has recovered somewhat…

***Sara's eye twitches***

**Ava: **Well…anyway, one thing has really been bugging me. Why did Jack put his blood on the coin in the end of the movie?

**Sara: **Yeah, was his blood needed or something?

**Ava: **We probably didn't notice something since we were drooling over how cute he was…

**Sara: **Yeah, I mean it was so distracting

**Ava: **Yep, damn the casting people; they made the people so hot that we didn't pay a lot of attention to the movie.

**Sara: **It's a conspiracy…

**Ava: **And how is it a conspiracy, exactly?

**Sara: **See, they cast really hot actors, then people don't pay attention to the movie, so they have to go back and see it again. That way they make more money.

**Ava: **Um, sure, keep telling yourself that…if anyone can explain this, please do.

**~~*Topic 3 – Hats and Feathers**

**Sara: **I don't get why all the pirates loved hats so much….I hate hats

**Ava: **Yeah, well that's only because you have an odd shaped head

**Sara: **I do not…

**Ava: **Ok, whatever

**Sara: **You really think my head is shaped funny?

**Ava: **Well, ever since that skateboard hit you in the face…

**Sara: **Ok, that was not my fault; I'm usually a good boarder.

**Ava: **Anyway, I think Will's hat in the end looked kind of stupid, but that's just me.

**Sara: **Well I thought it was cute.

**Ava: **If Orlando Bloom stepped in dog crap, you would still think it was cute.

**Sara: **Hey, I can't help it if I am obsessed.

**Ava: **…

A/N – Sorry this chapter was short, but we have to do our damn homework. Thanks for all the reviews, sorry that we can't respond to the reviewers (extreme lack of time.) We'll update as soon as we can, but most likely not tomorrow. We have to go shopping for new skateboards and a bunch of other crap. Keep the reviews coming! Oh, and since people have been asking, if you want to have a professional review of your story, e-mail Katarina Thomason at katarinathomason@yahoo.com She is an author and a critic and she's very good. Anyway, see ya when we see ya!

Sincerely,

Avalea Kajin and Sarafina Snape


	12. Our Closing ShowChapter ThingyWE'LL MISS...

The POTC Discussions

**~~*Topic 1 – The Sequel**

**Sara: **So far, we've heard that there's going to be a sequel to POTC.

**Ava: **Yeah, so, for our 'Final Show/Chapter Thing'  Sara has decided to make predictions, but do not expect them to be right because…it's Sara we're talking about!

**Sara: **OK! First, I think that the monkey is going to recruit a bunch of other warrior monkeys and take over the world!!!

**Ava: **…warrior monkeys? Are you crazy, are you out of your mind, or are you just completely stupid?

**Sara: **I'd say all three…

**Ava: **Anyway, any other predictions?

**Sara: **Yes, I think Will and Elizabeth are going to have 1 kid, then they are going to sacrifice the kid to the monkey warlord.

**Ava: **…

**Sara: **AND THEN Jack will rush in, jump across the volcano, save the kid, then they all live happily ever after!

**Ava: ** You know that none of your stupid predictions are going to come true, don't you?

**Sara: **Oh, no, I'm quite sure at least one of them will come true.

**Ava: **Has anyone ever told you that you need help?

**Sara: **Oh yes, numerous times.

**Ava: **I've made my point.

**~~*Topic 2 – Notes to the Reviewers**

**Sara: **Here are some of the responses to the reviewers:

**Eternal_Darkness: **We've seen the movie about 4 or 5 times, it is very addicting!

**BSBree: **Where did you take that quiz? We want to take it! Lol.

**Lucia I. Legaia Tanaka: **You seem to be a very short-tempered person.

**Celtic Dawn Star: **Well, we're glad you love it, and we're glad it makes you happy!

**Idhren Noletura: **Hmm, maybe he *will* be in the sequel…we can't wait!

**Bowie's LeperMessiah: **He puts his blood on the coin in the very end before he throws it back into the chest. If you want a corset, go to google.com or some other search place and type in C&S Corsets, they are the best corset company.

**Christina: **Thank you very much!

**Calico6: **Yes, all of his rabid fan-girls (like us) would be very very sad, now wouldn't we, lol!

**Legolas Stalker: **Hmm, sorry we never got around to having that as a topic, but it makes you ponder…

**Olpchikadee: **Yeah, it kinda does sound like a stripper name…oh well, join the club! Lol.

**Emery flutterby: **We live in England, I'm in college and Sara is in 12th grade. 

**~~*Topic 3 – We'll Be Back!!!**

**Ava: **Keep your eyes peeled for another one of our fanfics in the next week or two…

**Sara: **Yeah, we're going to write an 'alternate script' type thing, it'll be a comedy (duh) and hopefully you'll like it!

**Ava: **Yeah, so if anyone out there knows where to get a copy of the POTC script, it would be greatly appreciated!

**Sara: **So, gee, we're close to 100 reviews! Thank you all SO MUCH! And thanks for all the reviews on our other story too. Remember to keep checking back.

**Ava: **Hopefully we can start writing our 'script' and get it posted soon. Thanks to all you reviewers and thanks to all the people who e-mailed us and congratulated us.

**Sara: ***Dramatic voice* So I guess this is goodbye…

**Ava: **Oh, and to Bowie's LeperMessiah: Thank you so much for saying that we could be models, that was such a nice compliment!

**Sara: **Bye-Bye everybody.

**Ava: **See you at our next story!

                                       **~~**~The End~**~~**


End file.
